The #1 Coping Tool for Overwhelmed Moms Who Feel Like a Failure
Every mom goes through days, weeks, or even seasons, when the load of motherhood leaves you feeling overwhelmed and like a failure.
Your energy is spent worrying about what isn’t getting done, wishing you had a little more time for yourself, and wondering how much more you can take.
It’s easy to feel like you’re on a sinking ship, because there’s just not enough of you to go around.
And just as you think you’re doomed… the ship captain announces some good news.
Apparently, there is a lifeboat on your ship that will help save you.
The name of the boat is, “Distraction,” and its same name of the #1 coping tool for overwhelmed moms who feel like a failure.
How is distraction a good thing, you might ask?
This distraction isn’t the tyranny-of-the-urgent kind, as depicted in the children’s book, “If You Give a Moose a Muffin,” by author Laura Joffe Numeroff. (I’m not an affiliate, but I love her books!)
Rather, it’s the useful kind of distraction that’s truly a lifesaving coping tool!
You see, distraction doesn’t care what you are tangled up in at the moment.
Its job is to get you away from whatever you’re dealing with, and onto something else.
Distraction used as a coping tool has two benefits:
1. The first benefit allows you breathing room to think straight, find solutions, and start managing your challenging circumstances… which reduces the feeling of overwhelm.
2. The second benefit allows you to focus on something you do have control over, and can work with… which reverses the feeling of failure.
Distraction has two parts: thinking and doing.
A. The Thinking Part
Have you allowed your thoughts to trap you in a box called pity-party, depression, or failure?
If so, you can use this coping tool as your lifesaver to change your thinking!
Do you know how the military trains soldiers to be mentally tough?
They say when you think you have nothing left in your fuel tank… you’ve got at least 40% more in reserves.
The key is to focus on a what you have to work with, not what is already spent.
I’ve adopted this thinking strategy, and it really works! It helps you make progress even when your boat gets holes in the bottom of it!
How do you grow mental toughness?
The secret is to check the narratives that are running through your head.
Do your thoughts lean negative and self-defeating, or are they positive and contributing to your wellbeing?
When I was a newly divorced mom, and life was totally upside down (with 6 kids in tow), my boat was taking on water fast!
My thoughts were consumed with huge struggles, and they became overwhelmingly self-defeating.
One day, I confided in a friend that I felt like I was failing as a mom, and in life.
She suggested I make a list of affirmations and intentions and use them to change the narratives running through my brain.
She told me to say them out loud as soon as I woke up in the morning, and before going to bed at night, and I did.
Those statements weren’t part of some hocus-pocus-secret-formula, but really just a good old-fashioned brain training tool.
I learned that affirmations and intentions help to distract you from where you are, and help you get to where you want to be.
By distracting my thoughts from overwhelm and failure, I began to see hope, help, and a future by focusing on where I wanted to be rather than where I was at.
It was a relief to be able to set my eyes on the horizon, instead of looking down at all the water in my boat.
Here’s how I distracted my thinking… and you can do it, too!
Come up with a short script, that includes intentions of how you would like to feel, and what you would like to experience.
Be sure to include affirmations of what you believe about yourself and your life.
Say these words in your head, and out loud, while you drive, as you work out, when folding laundry, and washing dishes.
Let those words percolate through your brain day and night.
Most of all, say your script just before bed, and when you first wake up, and include them in your prayers.
You can record your script, listen to it in your own voice, and see what a powerful change agent it becomes for you.
You’ll begin to thrive with this healthy distraction tool for your thoughts, even before your life starts to line up with your intentions!
Here’s an example of some of my favorite affirmations and intentions:
I’m strong and capable.
Today is a fresh start for everything.
I choose to focus on the positive and let toxic influences go.
I am grateful, blessed, and unconditionally loved.
Adopt these until you’ve chosen your own!
As you can see, both affirmations and intentions are really important tools for conquering the feeling of overwhelm and failure.
B. The Doing Part
Even though you feel like your energy is completely drained, action replenishes energy and gets you out of your funk quickly.
It seems counter-intuitive, but the truth is, action creates more energy.
When you don’t have enough zip to do another load of laundry, wash the breakfast dishes, or round up the kids to pick up their toys, use distraction as your #1 coping tool.
Make the chores easier by singing, timing yourself, making it a competition, or rewarding yourself afterward.
Bonus Point:
Spending a few minutes doing something you love… brings an infusion of energy that fills you up.
Having fun boosts your coping ability and willingness to take care of stuff that tackles you.
You deserve to invest some of your energy into your own passions, just like you help your kids to do!
Do you know what moms do really well?
Moms do the opposite of what they need when they feel like they’re not doing a good enough job.
They jump in with every last ounce of energy and use every space on the calendar for everyone and everything but themselves.
And it works against you even more.
Instead of carving out a little time for things that re-fuel you, moms find more ways to poke holes in the bottom of their own boat.
And on that note, what can you get positively distracted with?
Where there’s a will there’s a way, and you’ll find it… when you distract yourself with things you love to do.
Think about what you enjoy creating, participating in, or learning about?
Are you wanting to start a small business, become a virtual assistant, start a blog, or launch an online shop? You can do it!
If you love to grow flowers, craft signs, make hairbands, bake cupcakes, design clothes, create apps, write stories… please do!
Would you like to teach something, coach others, nurture kids, or become a mentor to new moms? We need you!
You are loaded with lots of talent, and the world is waiting for you to show it.
All you have to do is just open the shell, look for your opportunities, and engage your talents.
The idea is to practice using positive distractions to help you get unstuck from feeling overwhelmed and like a failure.
To make it easy… think of things you can do at this very moment that:
1. Doesn’t require much money upfront.
2. You can do right at home to start with.
3. Is related to one of your hobbies or passions.
4. You can do in 30 minutes or less.
But, if you’re completely stuck and, you only have dreams to work with right now… dream big with these distractions!
1. Create a bucket list of life goals, or a wish list of smaller goals.
2. Make a travel destination board.
3. Research hobbies and pick one you’d like to try.
4. Try a new recipe, take a walk, and drive a new way home.
There are so many things you can do right where you are at this moment!
Please don’t get stuck in a sinking boat and believe you’re doomed, because you’re not.
Even if you can only carve out a few minutes a day to start, you need to protect a little healthy distraction time for yourself.
Look at it as a time-out for moms, if that helps.
You may need to fight for those few minutes, or sacrifice for it, but it will be so worth it!
Getting up a few minutes earlier than your kids, just to write, read, pray, or take that online course, might work for you.
Finding a snippet of time, while the kids are napping, at school, or at a practice, might be the trick.
Loosening up even 5 minutes now, can grow to 10 minutes in time and help you stop feeling overwhelmed and like a failure.
I’ll bet you never thought distraction could be turned into a powerful coping tool… but once you try it, you’ll be a believer!
What will be your first distraction action??
