Why Self-Care is Imperative for Your Wellbeing

Deep down I couldn’t figure out why others constantly treated me with the short end of the stick. I was the nice one, the capable one, the giving one, the supportive one. Sacrifice came naturally, and I loved helping others realize their goals. After all, isn’t that the way moms are supposed to be?

But I had a hard time standing up to pushy people, and my peacemaker nature ruled. I tried to use logic to manage abusive relationships, but that backfired as weakness. My head is oriented to finding solutions, not spinning drama, so I was at a loss with how to deal with offensive people.

Over time, something ugly was fracturing my insides. Never once, did I regret investing my best in others, but I couldn’t figure out why that source of joy wasn’t keeping me filled up. As a mom, a wife, a sibling, and a friend, I was silently imploding and didn’t tell anyone.

I felt like isolating from close relationships because I didn’t understand what was happening to me. I was embarrassed to confide in friends, and felt like I was disappointing God. To compensate, I took on more because that’s what I was good at. Maybe I thought if I kept crazy busy, I’d find a cure.

Dangling Off the Cliff

The breaking point came when I didn’t want to live anymore. I’m sure I didn’t consider a specific exit plan, but just wanted to be relieved of the brokenness I felt inside. I flashed on the fact that I lost my mom when I was a freshman in college, and would never, never wish that on my children. So, I put that thought out of my head and kept marching.

Fortunately, a few days later, God placed a very special mom on the Little League bleacher one evening, and I uncharacteristically shared my heart with her. While our boys were playing baseball, I quietly confided in this compassionate lady, and was surprised at my vulnerability.

After listening for a while, she suggested I come to see her at her office. What? Did she say office? Little did I know she was a counselor! She slipped me her business card and I couldn’t wait for tomorrow to come, so I could call her office and make an appointment.

I cried more than I ever have, and used plenty of tissues during those pivotal counseling sessions. I learned that even though I’m strong in so many ways, I let strength become my Achilles Heel. Neglecting my own needs and wants was crippling me from the inside out.

The Light at the End of the Tunnel

I began to understand that my reservoirs needed to be filled up, in order to give out, and that self-care is imperative for wellbeing. My thinking started shifting. Instead of pouring everything I had into others, I needed to find a balance and invest in myself, too.

It was awkward learning to valuing myself appropriately, and even harder to not feel guilty self-nurturing. I worried about what others would think if I took a few hours for myself, or invested in something I wanted to do. I determined to conquer that self-destructive thinking, if I was going to find ways to fill up my reservoirs. I was ready to own my wellbeing.

How About You?

• Are you the peacemaker, the conciliatory type, who is run over by siblings, friends, co-workers, your mate, or your kids, and you wonder why they treat you that way?
• Are you the one who always gives more and takes less, or nothing?
• Are you the one putting wind under everyone else’s wings, and forgot you’re supposed to fly, too?
• Do you just want peace at all costs, which means you always make the concessions?

Key point: remember, they may like you, or say they love you, but they don’t really respect you, and just want what they want. They don’t care what it costs you. They view you as an endless supply of catering to their needs and wants. In essence, they believe, and act, as if you are there to serve them. Or worse, they exhibit abusive behavior and don’t think anything is wrong.

The good news is, you can make a few healthy changes to your self-care practices, and find your reservoirs filling up in no time!

Here’s How to Change it Up:

• Believe: be confident that you are worthy, valuable, and perfectly designed by God.
  
• Model: show how you want to be treated by how you treat yourself.
• Respect: esteem yourself just as much as you do others
• Understand: your wellbeing depends on valuing your needs and wants.
• Balance: nurture and grow your self-care practices at the same time you help others.
• Stand up for yourself: The stronger you are, (and that’s a positive attribute) the more they expect from you. When you don’t model that your needs and wants count just as much as theirs do, you’re going to get rolled over. So, stand up for yourself EVERY TIME you’re not valued properly. You don’t need to argue, just state your position and protect yourself by walking away. Don’t give audience to abusive people. Use tough love… it really works.
• Passion pursuit: stay fresh in your passion pursuit. You are multi-purposed and need to keep active in your passions.
• Trust your gut instinct: listen to your warning signs and do something about them. They are there to protect your wellbeing.
• Borders: It’s okay to say no sometimes. You don’t need to be exhausted all the time. Use borders and boundaries to keep balanced.
• Get help when needed: sometimes a professional is needed to get you over the hurdles. Reach out and get the help you need.

Do you have a story to tell about your quest to balance your wellbeing with self-care practices? Please share… I’d love to hear all about it!